{"id":606,"date":"2026-06-15T05:13:32","date_gmt":"2026-06-15T05:13:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/commercialrelocationpros.com\/?p=606"},"modified":"2026-06-15T05:13:32","modified_gmt":"2026-06-15T05:13:32","slug":"and-now-a-few-words-from-our-former-presidents-on-ufc-250","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/commercialrelocationpros.com\/?p=606","title":{"rendered":"And Now a Few Words From Our Former Presidents on UFC 250"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

[The presidents stare out from their portraits along the White House <\/i><\/b>Corridor of Misleading Presidential Facts<\/i><\/b>.]<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Read more Trump Celebrates While America Capitulates<\/a><\/p>\n

Thomas Jefferson: <\/b>Well, lads, we did it: 250 glorious years. The American experiment is\u2014dare I say it?\u2014a success!<\/p>\n

[Donald Trump and Dana White, the Ultimate Fighting Championship CEO, stroll past the wall of paintings.]<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

John Adams: <\/b>Who\u2019s that?<\/p>\n

[Muffled roar from behind the White House]<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Abraham Lincoln:<\/b> What\u2019s going on in that structure at the back of the White House?<\/p>\n

Harry Truman: <\/b>My balcony?<\/p>\n

Lincoln: <\/b>Lower. The thing that says UFC Freedom 250<\/small> on it.<\/p>\n

James Buchanan: <\/b>That\u2019s the president\u2019s arena for his mixed martial arts match, to celebrate his 80th birthday and, supposedly, America\u2019s birthday too.<\/p>\n

Calvin Coolidge: <\/b>…<\/p>\n

Theodore Roosevelt:<\/b> Did someone say \u201carena\u201d? I love an arena! Bully! And the president is going to fight in the arena, you say?<\/p>\n

Buchanan: <\/b>No, he is going to watch while other men fight, and talk critically about them.<\/p>\n

Roosevelt: <\/b>(Tosses down his hat and stamps on it.<\/i>) That is the worst thing he could do!<\/p>\n

Warren Harding: <\/b>Now, hang on. It\u2019s possible that he\u2019s a very good, standard-issue president otherwise.<\/p>\n

Rutherford B. Hayes: <\/b>He knocked down the East Wing to build an enormous ballroom.<\/p>\n

Woodrow Wilson: <\/b>(Gleefully<\/i> rubbing his hands.<\/i>) And it looks like his \u201csecretary of war\u201d is taking steps to resegregate the military!<\/p>\n

Buchanan:<\/b> And thanks to this president\u2019s initiative, you can watch the ultimate-fighting bouts being broadcast from the South Lawn, streaming only on Paramount+ (available for a mere $8.99 a month). Closed captioning sponsored by Trump Coin!<\/p>\n

John Adams:<\/b> I feel confident judging the president on this basis. Buchanan, how do you know so much about all this?<\/p>\n

Buchanan: <\/b>Any time a president\u2019s approval rating drops below a certain level, I get a special notification about what he\u2019s been up to. The closed captioning I can see with my new Paramount+ subscription. Look, John! They even played a video about how you were the first president to live in the White House, and the wrestling announcer is reading your prayer from the mantelpiece.<\/p>\n

Read more Photos: Knicks Fans Celebrate Their NBA Championship<\/a><\/p>\n

Adams:<\/b> I dislike all of this.<\/p>\n

Wilson: <\/b>The live music is nice, though.<\/p>\n

[The Marine Band plays the <\/i>Pirates of the Caribbean theme song while the announcer promotes crypto and Truth Social.]<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Ronald Reagan: <\/b>Who\u2019s paying for this?<\/p>\n

Buchanan:<\/b> I see a logo for Crypto.com on the mat, right near where that fellow just clutched the other fellow between his thick, muscular legs for several riveting minutes.<\/p>\n

Harding:<\/b> What is crypto?<\/p>\n

Buchanan:<\/b> It\u2019s when you give someone a bunch of money and that money kind of disappears but also might be very valuable. The sponsors of this reputable-looking event assure me that it is not a scam. I hear this president has made a lot of money off it.<\/p>\n

Ulysses S. Grant: <\/b>That sounds just like what my son\u2019s business partner promised me. I believe them! Here is all my money! [Beat] <\/i><\/b>Oh no! All my money is gone.<\/p>\n

Andrew Jackson: <\/b>I\u2019m bored. I hope this is one of those arenas where two men fight to the death just for the president\u2019s own sick pleasure. [Beat]<\/i><\/b> I killed a man once.<\/p>\n

Jefferson: <\/b>Now, wait. Maybe this is a normal celebration.<\/p>\n

Adams:<\/b> A man in a suit and no shirt just walked out of the White House to \u201cYour Sex Is On Fire,\u201d by the Kings of Leon.<\/p>\n

Roosevelt: <\/b>Hardly formal, I\u2019ll admit, but this fight might still be a celebration for all of America.<\/p>\n

Jimmy Carter:<\/b> Josh Hokit, a large man with a lion tattoo on his chest, just shouted \u201cMichelle Obama is a man\u201d in his post-bout interview. Received with cheers. At the White House.<\/p>\n

Jefferson: <\/b>We must be misunderstanding something.<\/p>\n

Lincoln:<\/b> I don\u2019t think so.<\/p>\n

Jefferson: <\/b>We made it to 250 years of no kings! No living under the thumb of a single man who could trample on the wishes of our local governments, quarter troops where he pleased, and seize our citizens without due process! There must be more to our nation\u2019s birthday than this. More respect for the people\u2019s house and the citizens. Less \u2026 gleeful trampling.<\/p>\n

Buchanan:<\/b> Thomas, when you keep going on and on about the Republic, I can\u2019t hear what Joe Rogan is saying.<\/p>\n

Lyndon B. Johnson: <\/b>Who the [unprintable] is Joe Rogan? Hey, what happened to the Rose Garden? It\u2019s full of umbrellas. And where\u2019s the Voting Rights Act?<\/p>\n

Jackson:<\/b> I want to see the men fight. Fight to the death! Fight to the death! <\/i><\/p>\n

Adams:<\/b> Please, stop.<\/p>\n

[<\/i>Long silence]<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

James Madison:<\/b> At least when the British burned this place down, they didn\u2019t try to monetize<\/i> it.<\/p>\n

Read more A Room Is Like a Mind, but Whose?<\/a><\/p>\n<\/section>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

What would Thomas Jefferson say?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":605,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-606","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor"],"yoast_head":"\nAnd Now a Few Words From Our Former Presidents on UFC 250 - Commercial Relocation Pros<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/commercialrelocationpros.com\/?p=606\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"And Now a Few Words From Our Former Presidents on UFC 250 - Commercial Relocation Pros\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"What would Thomas Jefferson say?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/commercialrelocationpros.com\/?p=606\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Commercial Relocation Pros\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-06-15T05:13:32+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/commercialrelocationpros.com\\\/?p=606#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/commercialrelocationpros.com\\\/?p=606\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/commercialrelocationpros.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/3a3374a445f1b5d4852b1d7c15b9fe3a\"},\"headline\":\"And Now a Few Words From Our Former Presidents on UFC 250\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-06-15T05:13:32+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/commercialrelocationpros.com\\\/?p=606\"},\"wordCount\":826,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/commercialrelocationpros.com\\\/?p=606#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/commercialrelocationpros.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/06\\\/2fe968bd1d8b005c5189fa94ea6d86ff.avif\",\"articleSection\":[\"Humor\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/commercialrelocationpros.com\\\/?p=606#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/commercialrelocationpros.com\\\/?p=606\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/commercialrelocationpros.com\\\/?p=606\",\"name\":\"And Now a Few Words From Our Former Presidents on UFC 250 - 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