{"id":1012,"date":"2026-07-02T12:11:47","date_gmt":"2026-07-02T12:11:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/commercialrelocationpros.com\/?p=1012"},"modified":"2026-07-02T12:11:47","modified_gmt":"2026-07-02T12:11:47","slug":"what-would-mark-twain-think-of-america-at-250","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/commercialrelocationpros.com\/?p=1012","title":{"rendered":"What Would Mark Twain Think of America at 250?"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

So what would Mark Twain\u2014a man never at a loss for opinions\u2014make of America on the 250th anniversary of its birth? He wouldn\u2019t be surprised to be asked, or bashful about answering. As he once wrote in his notebook, \u201cI am not an American. I am the <\/i>American.\u201d Arguably a bit vain, but essentially correct, since he encompassed much of the best (and occasionally the worst) of our national character.<\/p>\n

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Twain was our shrewdest satirist of greed and corruption, and he would find plenty to be appalled about in today\u2019s second Gilded Age. It was Twain who minted the term The Gilded Age<\/i>\u2014the title of his first novel, co-authored with his friend Charles Dudley Warner and published in 1873, when Twain was 37 years old\u2014and he had scathing things to say about the wild carnival of greed that followed the Civil War, decrying the \u201cincredible rottenness\u201d and \u201cmoral ulcers\u201d of an America in thrall to big business. He published a revised catechism for the rich: \u201cWhat is the chief end of man? A. To get rich. In what way? A. Dishonestly if we can; honestly if we must.\u201d He castigated Jay Gould, the notorious Wall Street speculator, for fostering a greed-is-good mentality: \u201cThe people had desired money before his day, but he taught them to fall down and worship it.\u201d Today Twain would likely blanch at the billionaires congregating around President Trump at Mar-a-Lago. And in the euphoric greed of Wall Street, he would spot many latter-day examples of Colonel Sellers, the money-mad humbug in The Gilded Age<\/i> who sees millions in every flimsy enterprise.<\/p>\n

Twain\u2019s critique had power because he was very much a product of the society he chastised. When he wasn\u2019t satirizing plutocrats, he was trying very hard to become one. He amassed a sizable fortune from books and lecture royalties and from marrying a minor heiress, Livy Langdon, whose father had sold coal to Cornelius Vanderbilt\u2019s railroads. The couple luxuriated in a 25-room mansion in Hartford, Connecticut, staffed by six servants.<\/p>\n

He hoped to get even richer as an inventor. Like us, Twain inhabited an age enamored of new technologies and dazzled by gadgetry. In 1886, while presiding over a Fourth of July celebration in Iowa, he praised \u201cthe progress of these last few years\u2014of the telegraph, telephone, phonograph, and other great inventions,\u201d saying, \u201cThere is more done in one year now than Methuselah ever saw in all his life.\u201d Twain himself had one of the first private telephones in New England. He also dreamed up many gadgets of his own, such as a bed clamp that would prevent children from kicking off their blankets. More successfully, he marketed a scrapbook with adhesive paper, allowing users to dispense with glue pots.<\/p>\n

But he admitted that his speculative instincts made him \u201ceasy prey of the cheap adventurer.\u201d The most notorious example was the smooth-tongued James Paige of Rochester, New York, the inventor of a newspaper-typesetting machine that promised to do the work of five or six men. It was a fiendishly ingenious machine with more than 18,000 parts and one glaring flaw: It didn\u2019t work reliably. Still, Twain squandered his own fortune and Livy\u2019s inheritance on developing Paige\u2019s invention, even as the Mergenthaler Linotype became the industry standard, rendering Paige\u2019s machine worthless. An embittered Twain growled afterward that if Paige were drowning, he would throw him an anvil. So dismal was the writer\u2019s investing record that one newspaper joked that, to avoid a financial disaster, all you had to do was to learn that Mark Twain had gotten in on the ground floor.<\/p>\n

Twain embodied the eternal American ambivalence toward money: He had a visceral desire to amass it along with a puritanical distrust of its corrupting effect. So while he would be excited by smartphones, AI, and other digital wonders coming out of Silicon Valley today, he would simultaneously fear our glorification of tech moguls and the excessive political influence of the superrich. In particular, he would likely have criticized Elon Musk\u2019s DOGE initiative and its dismantling of federal civil-service protections, since civil-service reform was one of Twain\u2019s favorite political causes. During the 1876 presidential campaign, he mocked the spoils system that distributed government jobs as a reward for how much \u201cparty dirty work the candidate has done,\u201d rather than their actual qualifications. He said that federal-government jobs should be distributed based on \u201cworth and capacity,\u201d noting that teachers at least had to know the alphabet and plumbers the inside of a pipe.<\/p>\n

Twain reserved his most mordant reflections on American politics for Congress, in his time the most potent\u2014and corrupt\u2014branch of government. \u201cI think I can say, and say with pride, that we have some legislatures that bring higher prices than any in the world,\u201d he joked. Still more memorably, he wrote: \u201cReader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.\u201d He called Congress the only \u201cdistinctly native American criminal class\u201d and urged Satan to establish a branch of hell in Washington, if he had not done so already. Today Twain would be startled by the passivity of a once-mighty Congress that has all but crumbled in the face of pressure from the White House.<\/p>\n

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If Twain were resurrected today, we would beg him, on bended knee, for his opinion of Donald Trump. He was certainly no stranger to presidents with outsize egos and constant cravings for attention. When Twain lunched with Theodore Roosevelt, he was dismayed that the president dragged in his Rough Rider exploits in Cuba three or four times. Twain thought Roosevelt overrated and called him \u201cthe Tom Sawyer of the political world\u201d because he was \u201calways hunting for a chance to show off; in his frenzied imagination, the Great Republic is a vast Barnum circus with him for a clown and the whole world for audience.\u201d It is easy to imagine the sarcasms Twain could hurl at Trump\u2019s ballroom, triumphal arch, gold-plated statues, and other vanity projects.<\/p>\n

Early in his career, Twain worried that his stridently expressed political views might alienate his readers. But instead of mellowing with age, he became more indignant at injustice. When the United States invaded the Philippines during the Spanish-American War, Twain naively imagined that the country would be liberated and turned into a republic. Instead, the Philippine independence movement was brutally suppressed. At a City Club dinner in New York in January 1901, Twain scandalized his audience by saying that American soldiers were fighting with \u201ca disgraced musket under a polluted flag.\u201d Today he might be just as furious in denouncing Trump\u2019s imperial ambitions to control Greenland or annex Canada or exploit Venezuelan oil.<\/p>\n

Twain was enraged by the expression \u201cOur country, right or wrong,\u201d protesting: \u201cWe have thrown away the most valuable asset we have\u2014the individual\u2019s right to oppose both flag and country when he believed them to be in the wrong.\u201d So he would decry today\u2019s attacks on the press, and the widespread tendency to dismiss all journalists as politically motivated. He knew from the inside that the press was far from perfect; Samuel Clemens adopted the Mark Twain pen name when he started his career as a journalist in the Nevada Territory, inventing tall tales and trading insults with rival writers. Yet he also believed the press was a bulwark of liberty, especially in its satirical mode: \u201cIrreverence is the champion of liberty and its only sure defense.\u201d Twain would not be surprised by Trump\u2019s sensitivity to the gibes of late-night comedians: \u201cThe devil\u2019s aversion to holy water,\u201d he wrote, \u201cis a light matter compared with a despot\u2019s dread of a newspaper that laughs.\u201d<\/p>\n

For the same reason, Twain would have scant patience with the political correctness that reigns in much of the media world today. He felt that every subject was fair game for satire. In his first book, The Innocents Abroad<\/i>, he accompanied American tourists to Europe and the Holy Land and heaped scorn on almost everything he saw. Once Twain latched on to a target, he would berate it mercilessly. Take his attitude toward France, which he mocked as \u201cthe adulterous nation\u201d: \u201cA Frenchman\u2019s home is where another man\u2019s wife is,\u201d he gibed. Such stereotypes would never fly in today\u2019s world, which may be why we don\u2019t have a modern-day Mark Twain.<\/p>\n

If Twain could ask only one question about America at 250, however, he would probably want to know about the situation of African Americans. No other white author of the late 19th century engaged so fully with the Black community, whether in promoting the Fisk Jubilee Singers or paying expenses for a Black student at Yale Law School. (That law student, Warner T. McGuinn, became a distinguished attorney and the mentor of Thurgood Marshall, the first Black justice on the Supreme Court.) Twain\u2019s friend William Dean Howells said that \u201cno man more perfectly sensed, and more entirely abhorred, slavery.\u201d In fact, Twain might well have quarreled with the whole premise of celebrating America\u2019s 250th birthday. He believed that 1865, not 1776, was the true date of liberty\u2019s birth, \u201cfor there was slavery before.\u201d He said sarcastically that the Declaration of Independence should have been rewritten, \u201cAll white<\/i> men are created free and equal.\u201d<\/p>\n

Twain died in 1910, long before the civil-rights movement and the end of Jim Crow in the South. If he could see America in 2026, he would be delighted by the dramatic improvement in the status of Black Americans, while regretting that we have still fallen so far short of America\u2019s founding ideals in creating a multiracial society. So he might celebrate this special Fourth of July with a cheer and a wink\u2014and perhaps the faintest trace of a snort.<\/p>\n

Read more So Long to America\u2019s Favorite Everymensch<\/a><\/p>\n<\/section>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The country\u2019s greatest satirist loved technology and hated corruption. 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